


Bite Your Tongue

by XarluLunete



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Blood, Dissociative Identity Disorder, I swear the OC's don't have any major part they're there for filter, I'll be tagging as I go along, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Drug Abuse, Implied/Referenced Drug Addiction, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Minor Character Deaths, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-10-17
Updated: 2015-05-05
Packaged: 2017-12-29 16:13:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 14,340
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1007438
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/XarluLunete/pseuds/XarluLunete
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Keeping everything bottled inside is a dangerous thing to do, Levi is a prime example of this.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Blood

**Author's Note:**

> Gonna say this right now, a couple of things in this chapter might offend and that is not under any circumstances my intention. Also, I'm really sorry if any part of it sounds weird, that's what happens when you write at two in the morning.

When he was younger, he was told to ‘bite his tongue’ and refrain from speaking out of place. Daddy always believed that the women and children of his family were to be seen, not heard.

_Did Mama mean that I should really bite my tongue…?_

He lived in a house where Daddy ruled over all and raised hell when things weren’t done exactly the way he wanted them.

**_If you don’t like how she made your food, then cook for yourself, you lazy son of a bitch._ **

_Well, if I bite my tongue, then I won’t get in trouble…_

He lived in a house where Mama was too busy doing nothing to tend to her toddling little boy that was vying for her attention.

**_The TV isn’t going anywhere, that’s your child, pay attention, damnit._ **

_This… actually really hurts… but it hurts less than getting whooped by Daddy…_

He lived in a house where he and his younger brother stood by, silent, as Mama broke the rule of doing exactly that and Daddy blew up like a bomb, throwing fists and screaming insults, tossing furniture acting ten time younger than his actual age.

**_Get the fuck away from her, she’s only telling you what you should have been told a long time ago._ **

_I… I think I’m bleeding… my blood tastes like rust, it’s gross._

He lived in a house where in the middle of the night, the toddler stopped breathing after thirty minutes of screaming his little head off, tortured by night terrors from Mama and Daddy shouting at each other earlier in the evening. Daddy blamed Mama for giving him too many pillows on his bed because one of the pillows was covering the boy’s head and made the poor boy suffocate.

**_You stupid little brat, do you know how late it is? I’ll make you shut up for good if you don’t quit._ **

_The bleeding won’t stop…_

_Why won’t it stop…?_

He lived in a house where the walls were covered in a thick layer of blood, all jagged splatters and splashed into places where he didn’t know it could go as he sat in between the corpses of what used to be his Mama and Daddy, nine years old and scared as hell, scooting across the hardwood floor of the living room, away from the knife that did that to his parents, not knowing _what the hell happened._

**_They deserved it, they were terrible people. Even the deaths they were given are too good for them._ **

_The blood is everywhere… It’s my fault…_

He lived in a house where Mama’s blood mixed with his tears and he screamed, breaking his silence, attracting the neighbors in a hurried frenzy because they wanted to know if everything was alright and-

“Oh my God, Levi, are you okay, what happened to your parents?!”

“K…killed…” A hoarse, broken voice, disuse apparent.

_I killed them_.

He lived in a house that was surrounded in flashing lights, blaring sirens, and a few men asking him if he had any family that lived nearby. He had to shake his head no- Daddy drove away all of his family and made Mama break her ties with her family because no one agreed with how they lived, not how Daddy made them live, at least.

The men calmly explained to him that they were going to find him a family that he could live with, but he had to live in a place with a bunch of other kids that needed families too before then.

So, one of the men helped him pack his clothes and other things that he didn’t want to lose, and he didn’t live in that house after that day.

The policeman let him ride in the front seat to the police station, he even bought him lunch on the way there, and sat with him until the social worker came to take him to take him to the place where all the other kids that needed families lived.

After the social worker came to pick him up, everything was a blur. He was tired. They eventually found their way to the orphanage. He was given a room that he shared with two other boys, a pat on the head, and a reassurance that everything was going to be okay, that things would get better soon.

He went to bed that night, using that as a mantra to soothe his weary little mind.


	2. Super Special, Super Meaningless Chapter: The Meeting of Terra Brown and the One Dwarf

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, as you can tell from the character tags, Hanji makes an appearance this chapter! I don't know how you guys felt, but last chapter was rough (and yes, I say this because I think that it sucked) and there's a break needed, so have some not-really-plot-related-platonic-LeviHan (is that the ship name, I don't know, I only ship them on a platonic level, like holy shit, BroTP 5ever).  
> Also, as for me wrapping my mind around where this thing is going, I can only say one thing for sure: there's a lot more angst to go for Levi.  
> ...Why does it seem like the more we love a character, the more shit we put them through??? I've been noticing this pattern for four years, damn.

Levi woke up three hours later, panting, screaming, and crying from the images of his parents that haunted his dreams. One of the boys that he shared the room with, an older boy with platinum blonde hair threw a pillow at his head and told him to shut up, that there were people who were trying to sleep.

After bouncing the boy’s head off of the wall and kicking him into the stomach a few times, Levi was forcefully removed from the room and given a new one, one devoid of roommates.

He didn’t dare to go to sleep.

During breakfast the next morning, he was pulled aside by a man with paper thin skin and breath that could curdle milk.

The man apologized for pulling Levi away from breakfast, mumbling something about it being the most important meal of the day and Levi only blinked, thinking about the lump of whatever it was that he was given as a poor excuse for food and more than happy to throw away.

“I’m here to talk to ya about what happened yesterday. Ya know,” the man lowered his voice a little and leaned close, making Levi lean back and fight the urge to cover his nose. “yer mum an’ dad’s untimely passin’s.”

**_They weren’t untimely, they were well past due._ **

Levi twitched, but it went unnoticed by the old man.

“Anyhoo, I understand that this is a really rough time in yer life, borderin’ on the point where things change so quickly that yer head spins an’ ya really feel the need to ‘ave support from a strong, sturdy male figure an’ comfort e’ery now an’ again from a soft, lovin’ female figure, but they’ll ‘ave that figured out for ya in no time, lad.” He pats Levi’s knee in what he thinks is a comforting gesture and the boy keeps himself from jumping away from him.

“Now, uh, I’ve  been told that ya were in the house when yer parents ‘ere killed?”

Grey eyes widen.

_Deep, angry slashes that covered his Daddy’s torso and even deeper gouges into his face, into those eyes that he’s constantly reminded he inherited._

_Resentful, stabs into his Mama’s stomach, the look of shock and betrayal on her face. Everyone told him that he had his Mama’s face._

_He hated every single person that told him that._

What little breakfast Levi had forced himself to down made an abrupt reappearance onto the floor, spatters of it on the man’s shoes that looked too small for his feet and on his own bare calves. A couple of people rushed with a towel in tow to clean the vomit. One tended to the mess while the other patted Levi on the back as he coughed, saliva still dripping slightly from his mouth and tears forming in his eyes from the burn of his stomach acid and memories.

“I’m so sorry, lad, I di’nt mean to cause anythin’ fer ya. Perhaps we’ll talk later on if yer feelin’ better.” The old man made a hasty exit, not even hearing Levi cough around the word ‘no’.

_I don’t want to talk about them or about what happened; I just want someone to make this stop._

_-@-_

Levi was given a glass of water to sip and then sent on his way to do whatever, so long as it didn’t involve a lot of fast movement lest his stomach turned against him again.

He headed outside, contemplating if he’d be able to walk anywhere that was as far away from that place as possible.

Looking across the yard, Levi couldn’t help but to raise an eyebrow at a girl that was sitting in the fetal position in the grass not even twenty feet away from him and found his feet dragging him towards her.

As he got closer, he noticed a magnifying glass in the girl’s right hand and short, choppy brown hair mostly covering her face.

At three feet, the girl looked up at Levi, eyes narrowed at him.

He stopped in his tracks when her eyes settled on him and after a pregnant silence, decicded to be a little bold and try to talk to the girl.

“Hey.”

“Hi.”

“What are you doing?”

“Watching a ladybug crawl on a piece of grass.” She turned her attention to said ladybug, putting her finger out and letting it crawl onto the appendage. “Now, it’s crawling on me, see?” She held her hand out to Levi to show him the bug and he stepped back a little.

“You can keep it, I don’t want the bug.”

She squinted at him again and then at the ladybug in her hand. “Fine, he likes me better anyway… Hey, can you help me name him?”

“Him? But it’s a ladybug.”

“Ladybug can be boys. How about Gerald?”

“You’re squinty.”

“No, I’m Hanji and it’s not nice to try and nickname people you just met.”

“You just met that ladybug. And I meant your eyes; you squint a lot.”

Hanji looked up at Levi and narrowed her eyes even more at him. “My eyes aren’t too good. I’ll be getting glasses soon so I can see better and look smart.”

“Just because they make you _look_ smart, doesn’t mean that you’ll _be_ smart.” He mumbled.

She gasped and stuck her tongue out at Levi, who returned the gesture.

“You’re mean!”

“Yeah? And you’re sitting next to an ant hill.”

Hanji automatically jumped up to her feet, dropping her magnifying glass on the ant hill and scaring the ladybug away with her flailing.

Levi snorted. “Yeah, I think you’ll need those glasses, too.”

Hanji pushed him halfheartedly, giggling when she noticed that she actually succeeded in making Levi stumble.

“You call _me_ mean, you pushed me.”

“You deserve it, _shorty_.” Hanji defended herself. Levi opened his mouth to question her on the ‘shorty’ jab but clicked his mouth shut when he realized that , yes, Hanji had a couple of inches on him.

The two stood in silence before Hanji opened her mouth to speak.

“So, what brings you to the great outdoors, uhm…” She scratched her neck. “What’s your name?”

“Levi. I was on my way out before I saw you.”

“Eh? Out?”

He nodded. “I haven’t been her for more than a day and I’ve got a guy with really gross breath wanting to talk to me about my Mama and Daddy when I really don’t wanna talk about it because it makes me sick, plus I got in trouble last night for doing something that I don’t even remember _doing_ to one of the guys I was roomed with before they moved me.”

“Ooooooohhh, so _you’re_ the guy that Deto was complaining about during breakfast! You left a pretty bad mark on his face, what’d you do? Wait, what’d _he_ do?”

“I… I really don’t know. I had a nightmare last night, seeing my parents and…” Levi’s head throbbed painfully and his stomach turned a little. “ I don’t wanna talk about it.”

Hanji nodded in understanding and pushed some hair out of her face. “Yeah, I get it. It’s hard, parents dying and all. My mom died in some freak accident when I was really small and my Daddy just… left me here.”

Levi looked up at her face, noticing a bit of sadness. “ Did you not listen to him or something?”

She shook her head, defeating the purpose of pushing her hair back earlier. “No. None of the grown ups will tell me that part, why Daddy left me. I was really young; my mind’s really fuzzy about that day.”

He tilted his head to the side in confusion. “How old are you?”

“A lady never reveals her age, or at least that’s what Miss Rose tells me. She _also_ tells me that I play in the dirt too much and if I don’t stop, I’ll become a mud monster, which sounds pretty cool. But, I’m seven.”

“You’re gonna be a giant when you grow up. You’re two years younger than me and you’re _still_ taller than me.”

“Maybe. Or _maybe_ you’ll be a midget when you grow up.” Hanji thought aloud. “We’ll be like Snow White and the Seven Dwarves except there’s only one of you and I’m not dumb enough to take an apple from a witch… We’ll be called Terra Brown and the One Dwarf. You’ll be Grumpy.” She pointed at Levi to emphasize.

“If I’m Grumpy, then you’re Dopey. You’re nothing like Snow White.” Levi thought for a moment and added, “Who’s Miss Rose?”

“Miss Rose is one of the owners of the orphanage, along with Miss Maria and Miss Shina. I’ll introduce you sometime if you don’t leave.”

“’Introduce me’? What, are you special to them?”

“No, they’re  just nice.” A mischievous glint appeared in Hanji’s eyes. “And Miss Rose is _really_ fun to bug. Especially when Miss Maria helps.”

Levi shrugged. “I guess I’ll stay a little longer. I just really hope that old guy doesn’t try to talk to me again, even if he _does_ come back with his teeth brushed.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No one tell my niece that I made one of her imaginary friends get beaten up and we'll get along swimmingly.  
> And, yes, personifying the walls because why the hell not, I already have a headcanon about the walls being named after previous queens. No, seriously, I have thought out what they look like (like eye and hair color and shit because each wall has a symbol for them so there's my bases, woo creativity!!!!!!!). But, alas, the patron saints of the walls won't get any screen time because I'm pretty sure that after this chapter we'll be doing some timeskipping, because while the idea of nine-year-old Levi makes me want to cuddle him and apologize and tell him everything will be okay, this story mainly takes place with Levi in his early to mid twenties.


	3. End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, hi. It's been, what, a month?  
> I'm really sorry about the wait and wow holy poop, I wasn't even confident that this story would get attention. Thank you for reading and giving kudos and suscribing, I really appreciate it!  
> I'm not entirely happy with how this chapter is, but I felt the need to put something up instead of keeping my little note in it's place.  
> Once again, I'm giving out a huge warning: this chapter contains a suicide attempt, mentions of personal outlooks on it (not my outlook but rather someone in the story, and I will NOT express my opinion on it), and mentions of drug and alcohol abuse. Also, the wording is weird in the beginning part for reasons that you will fully understand in later chapters. Actually, it's easy to figure out with a little thought, so... yeah.  
> I'll shut up now.  
> Edit April 28, 2014- Changed Levi's last name to 'Ackerman' due to the latest news in chapter 56 of the SnK manga (butnoseriouslydoesthismeanlevicouldpossiblyberelatedtomikasasomehow?!)

He couldn’t take it anymore.

In a matter of fifteen years, his life went from bad to worse to _fucking terrible_ and to back it all up: _he was fucked up._ Insane. Mentally un-fucking-stable. Half the time, he wasn’t even in control of his life, couldn’t remember what he did, actually no, what _he_ did.

Not that he had control of his life when he was able to in the first place. There were drugs, alcohol, the normal escape roots, but _he_ stopped that too. Before he knew it, he was in rehab, explaining himself to multiple different people who could give less of a shit, wanted to be anywhere but there.

He got out, he got better, but there were still cravings. Cravings he couldn’t give into; _wouldn’t be allowed_ to give into. In retrospect, he was better off without the drugs and the copious amounts of alcohol, but they gave him a separation from reality, from himself, _from him._

He felt that there was no other choice.

He sat in the alleyway, a place best fitting for trash like him, staring at the .45 caliber pistol in his hand and thinking bitterly about a song that spoke about it, about what he was planning to do.

Suicide. The choice for the weak. _He_ would cringe at the idea, for sure. _He_ hated weak people, found them to be useless, fit for disposal.

So he was.

He lifted the gun to his temple, cocked it, and put his finger to the trigger.

-@-

“Can you tell me exactly how the hell you came to the conclusion that the distance from the apartments to Armin’s place is ‘walking distance’?”

Mikasa shifted her bag down to the crook of her elbow. “I don’t know, maybe since we go to Armin’s every Thursday and it seems like every other time I come into your house, you’re on your ass? A little exercise never killed anyone, Eren.”

Eren scoffed and lightly pushed her. “You can shut the fuck up, Mikasa. I walk to work every da- _ow!_ God dammit, are there bricks in that thing?!” He rubbed at the now sore spot on his back.

She hiked her bag back onto her shoulder. “It’s none of your business what I have in my bag. And your job is down the street.”

“So?”

“Armin’s place is down the street, too.”

“Yeah, _ten blocks_ away from the complex! At least my job is a shorter distance away than _that_.”

“I’ll say it again, Eren: you’re lazy.”

“No, _mom_ , I’m not lazy, I just don’t see any sense in walking to Armin’s when I’m parked _right outside the building._ ”

“We’re saving the planet, then. Not contributing to the depletion of the ozone layer and conserving what little fossil fuel we have left and all that.”

“Oh my god, shut up.”

Mikasa swung her purse again, but Eren dodged by stumbling into the abandoned street.

“You’re trying to kill me, aren’t you?” He joked.

“Mm, no. If I wanted to kill you, I would have taken one of the many opportunities where you could have gotten killed and have it look like an accident.”

Eren stopped in his tracks and gaped. “You make it sound like you’ve contemplated this!”

Mikasa just smiled at Eren and kept walking.

“Mikasa!”

He looked away from her retreating figure and looked down the adjacent alleyway, almost surprised to see a man sitting on the ground at the entrance, head hung low and fringe of black hair nearly covering his eyes.

“Mikasa, wait.”

At the change of Eren’s tone, Mikasa turned around, looked at Eren and followed his gaze to the man.

“Eren, that’s probably just some homeless guy sleeping. Come on, I want to go home and sleep. Seeing you and Jean fight over _Monopoly_ of all things wore me out.”

Eren snapped back to attention and continued walking, sparing the man another glance over his shoulder. “He was accusing me of taking an extra hundred dollars from the bank! The rules say two hundred dollars for every player that passes go. I took two hundred dollars and he tries to call me out for cheating!”

“You two are a couple of five year olds, I swear.”

“ _He’s_ the five year old, not me. He threw the fricking bank at me!”

“ _After_ you chucked the wheelbarrow at his head.”

“ _He threw the whole bank at me!”_

_Click._

At the sound of a gun cocking, Eren bolted.

 _I_ knew _something was up with that guy._

With all intent on stopping the man from shooting them, Eren ran across the street.

Though, mid-dash, he noticed something.

The barrel of the gun wasn’t trained on either him or Mikasa. The man had it pointed at himself.

_What…? No. No!_

He reached for the man’s arm, pushing it instead of grabbing and pulling his arm like he had planned.

 _Bang_.

A cry of pain emitted from the man’s lips, the gun dropping from his grip.

“Oh, shit. Shit. Are you okay?!” Eren’s eyes widened in panic, assessing the man. He hadn’t shot himself in the head, that much Eren was grateful for. However, there was a bullet wound in the junction of his shoulder. He didn’t dare to look for too long, not really wanting to check for an exit wound.

The man looked up at him, grey eyes burning with a mix of pain and anger. “No, there’s a fucking hole in my shoulder instead of my head, the fuck do you think, brat?!”

Multiple retorts bubbled up in Eren’s mind, but he bit them all back. How the hell do you calmly talk to someone who not only just tried to kill themselves but also still got wounded in the process?

Mikasa rushed over, her cell phone in her hand.

“No, Mikasa, fuck trying to call 911, grab this guy’s other arm and help me get him to the car!”

“You’re misunderstanding what I was trying to do earlier, kid- _I want to die._ I’m not good for anything now leave me the fuck alo-“

Eren wrapped an arm around the man’s waist and hefted him up. “ _No!_ I don’t give a shit if you wanted to die or not, you’re not going to give up because that’s a _coward’s_ way out. Everyone has their use even if they think they’re useless!”

The man fell silent, eyes cast downward as he was dragged to the car.

Eren fished the keys out of his pocket, jammed them into the lock of the back seat door, and opened the door. “I’ve got him, you can drive.”

Mikasa nodded and took the keys from the door with her free hand, helping Eren and the man into the backseat before unlocking the driver’s side and getting in.

The engine sputtered to life and they started their way down the road.

Minutes into the ride, Eren looked over to man and noticed that he had passed out, head pressed against the glass.

The man’s face had considerably softened, but was also paled. Eren frowned and noted that they hadn’t done anything to staunch his bleeding shoulder.

“Hey, Mikasa, is there anything for this guy’s shoulder in your bag?”

Mikasa’s eyes didn’t dare to leave the road. “Nothing that would be of much use. Or anything that you’d be willing to touch.”

Eren’s nose crinkled. “For God’s sake, Mikasa.”

“They absorb blood. That’s what they’re mad-“

“I’m not listening to this!”

The car was quiet for a moment.

“There’s a jacket of yours up here, though.”

“Hand it here.”

“I’m _driving._ Reach up here and grab it, it’s on the seat.”

Eren leaned forward, grabbed his jacket, and as a last-minute thought, shoved aside him immaturity and rifled through Mikasa’s bag until he found a pad. He ripped off one of the sleeves to the jacket, silently thankful that the jacket was made of lightweight material, ripped down the length of the sleeve so it was only a big strip of fabric and unwrapped the pad, applying the cloth side to the man’s wound.

“There’s an adhesive on the other side of the pad so-“

“I noticed this, Mikasa.” He stated as the removed the plastic from the underside of the pad. He pushed the man forward and realized from the large dark splotch on his interior that there was indeed an exit wound with a more prominent frown, so he readjusted the pad so it covered both wounds and wrapped the jacket sleeve around the pad, tying it tight under the man’s arm.

Eren sat back and looked at his work. It looked terrible, but at the very least he was stopping the bleeding. On an impulse, he started to look through the man’s pockets for his wallet.

“Eren, what the hell are you doing?!” Mikasa asked, deciding to check the rear-view mirror as Eren began going through his pockets.

“I’m trying to see if he has an ID. We need to give the hospital his name, right?”

He finally found the wallet in the man’s back pocket, retrieving it after much difficulty due to the man’s dead weight. He flipped the wallet open and was met with a small picture of the same man who currently out cold on his right. Grey eyes stared distantly at the camera, at the person who administered the issuing of his ID, and at Eren. His black hair was parted neatly to the right, trimmed into an undercut that almost gave him a look of authority.

Eren turned his attention away from the picture and read over the man’s information.

“Levi Ackerman…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cliffhanger, yes. One of the most torturing literary devices in existence. Did I want to do it? Sort of? I didn't want to make a monster chapter. At least this time, I know where I'm going with the next chapter.  
> The bad part? Next week I have a camping trip that has the potential to last ALL NEXT WEEK and more than likely, I won't be able to work on chapter 4 until the week after.  
> But, still, woo, Eren's here!! That counts for something, right?!  
> Oh, and one more thing: more than likely, Bite Your Tongue won't get a normal update schedule, but after things settle irl, I'll try to update every one to two weeks so you guys aren't left with a month long wait after getting two chapters two days in a row.  
> 


	4. Meetings and Reunions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, I said there wasn't going to be a regular update schedule, but yet I'm updating once every month. :/

 “Eren.” Something poked at his cheek. “Eren, wake up.”

Eren mumbled something unintelligible in his sleep, but otherwise didn’t stir.

“We’ve been at the hospital all night and even slept in this guy’s room, now come on, get up and let’s go.”

“Mmmmmnggh, go away…” He yawned. “Give me five more minutes…”

“I will shove you out of your chair.”

At the threat, Eren slowly straightened up from his position of laying his head down on Levi’s bed as a makeshift pillow and rubbed his eyes. “Go get yourself some coffee or something, Mikasa, goddamn. Or at least learn to be a morning person.”

Mikasa raised her eyebrows at Eren. “There’s no such thing as a ‘morning person’. Now come on, we need to go. He made it through the night and we miraculously over-stayed our welcome here. You can go home now knowing that he didn’t die.”

He frowned slightly and looked at the man that lay asleep in the hospital bed. Eren couldn’t help but feel responsible for his injury, even if only somewhat, but Mikasa was right. There was no use in moping over him.

He stood up and stretched, his back and shoulders creaking and aching in protest against his sleeping position. “Fine, then. Let’s go.”

As they both turned to leave the room, they heard a groan and a garbled sentence sounding distinctly like “what the hell”.

Eren looked back to Levi, who was trying to sit up but fell back down with a wince.

“You’re awake.”

The bed ridden man sent him a withering glare. “So I noticed. Can someone tell me what the hell happened?” he asked, his voice slightly cleared.

The brunette tilted his head in confusion. “You mean… you don’t remember?”

“Normally, when someone asks ‘what happened’, they don’t know what the fuck happened.” Levi bit irritably.

“You decided to try to kill yourself in the alley near our apartment complex.” Mikasa spoke up, walking away from the door to join Eren and Levi. “You tried to shoot yourself in the head, but wound up shooting yourself in the shoulder instead. We drove you up here to get your wound patched up. You’re welcome.”

His expression sobered at the mention of suicide and then hardened, turning his gaze to the IV stuck in his arm.

“Of course he did…” Levi muttered.

“The doctors have been saying something about a forty-eight hour psych evaluation,” Eren stated, which brought Levi’s eyes up to him. “I’ve heard them talk about a mental health ward, too.”

Levi nodded, taking in the information. “And who are you two? Why are you here?” he asked.

“I… was the one who pushed the gun and made you shoot yourself in the shoulder. I didn’t want to just drop you here. I wanted to make sure you were alright.” Eren looked a little upset as he spoke. “I’m Eren, by the way.”

“You know that you’re supposed to _pull_ the gun _away_ in situations like that, right?” Levi commented, which made Eren look at the man strangely. Was… he receiving advice from someone who a few hours earlier, tried to take his own life? There was such a thing as having a change of heart…

Levi looked up to Mikasa, eyes showing expectation of an introduction from her as well.

“I’m Mikasa. We drove here in Eren’s car and I didn’t feel like driving back home at one in the morning just to come back up here to pick Eren up a few hours later.” She stated bluntly.

The vague reminder made something in Eren’s mind click. “Oh, shit, that’s right. I have work today!” He hastily pulled out his cell phone to check the time, ignorant of the clock on the wall the ticked seconds away almost completely in time with the audible beep of Levi’s heart monitor. “It’s nine already.” Eren looked up from his phone to Mikasa. “We need to go.”

“It took you looking at the time yourself to realize that when I said the same thing five minutes ago?” Mikasa sighed.

Eren pulled a face at her, locking his phone and pocketing it. He looked back down to Levi, who appeared ready to pass back out. The hospital painkillers must have been pretty heavy.

“Um… I… hope you feel better?” he offered lamely, cringing at his own poor choice of words.

“Wow, thanks. Don’t forget to get me a card, too. ‘Congratulations on failing to kill yourself. Don’t do it again.’” Levi deadpanned. “Make sure to put money, none of that gift card bullshit.”

Eren felt his cheeks flame up in embarrassment and abruptly turned to leave again, noticing Mikasa slipping out past the thick wooden door.

“Eren.”

He heard Levi call his name and turned around yet again to face him, his reply none too gentle. “What?”

“Can I have your number? I know we just met, but I want to have it in case I need someone to talk to. Believe it or not, I don’t really have many people that I talk to often.”

The request momentarily shocked Eren, but he quickly recovered. Grabbing a note pad that sported the name of some type of medicine that he couldn’t pronounce and a pen, he scribbled down his number. As a last minute thought, he wrote his name above it in big letters.

He placed the pad back on the table. “Here you go.”

The man simply nodded and said nothing as Eren returned to the door.

As Eren gripped the door handle, Levi spoke again.

“I appreciate it, what you did last night. Someone’s life doesn’t need to be thrown away so carelessly.”

It almost sounded like he was talking about someone else rather than himself. Eren shook his head, physically forcing thoughts back. “Take care, Levi.” He said, and then walked out.

He shut the door behind him and headed up the hall, memories suddenly trudging to the surface of a man sitting in his study, his broad back slumped over the desk… Panic squeezed his chest, allowing him to run into a woman in a lab coat, spilling her papers onto the laminated tile floor and pulling him back to the present.

“Oh, I’m sorry!” Eren immediately apologized, stooping to the floor to pick the papers up.

“No, no, you’re okay! I should have watched where I was going. It’s been a long day.” She dismissed it, taking the papers from Eren’s hands and shoving them into a manila file.

“Tell me about it.” He muttered and stood up.

“I would, but I need to be somewhere. Plus, I’m sure you wouldn’t want to hear all of the gory details. Literally gory.” She laughed and ruffled her ponytail. “Now, if you’ll excuse me.”

She turned and continued down the hall, turning into Levi’s room of all places.

_Huh, what are the odds_ … Eren thought absently and made his way out of the hospital.

-@-

He looked back over to the notepad, where the name ‘Eren Jaeger’ stuck off the paper in big, dark letters along with his number in equally big, dark numbers.

_Now I just need to make sure this gets to his phone,_ he thought with a sigh. _If I don’t do it, he sure as hell won’t_.

Wincing as he sat up straighter, he looked around for his clothes.

“They better be washing my clothes if they’re not here…” he grumbled.

“God, I am so fucked.”

Suddenly the door swung open, nearly banging against the wall. A woman with a ponytail that appeared to contain only half of her hair and wearing a lab coat walked in, a file with papers sticking out in her hand.

“Good morning, sunshine! And how are we this morning?” she practically sang, not even looking at him. She set the file down near his feet and headed straight for the chart attached to the foot of his bed.

“Do you need to be so loud? It’s obnoxious.” He griped.

“Oh, someone just woke up from their sedative-induced sleep, didn’t they?” She patted her pockets and clicked her tongue against her teeth. “Damn, I need a pen.” She headed for the table next to him, looked at him and gasped as she grabbed the pen Eren used earlier.

“Levi?! Holy crap, it’s been what, fifteen years? Do you remember me?”

His response was automatic. “ No.”

The woman’s face fell. “Hanji? Hanji Zoe? The girl from the orphanage that named a ladybug Gerald?”

“No.”

“You don’t-“ Hanji stared at the chart in her hand. “‘Suicide attempt’? What brought this on?”

He shrugged. “Hell if I know. I didn’t do it.”

Hanji furrowed her eyebrows and pushed her glasses back up the bridge of her nose with the pen. She grabbed the file off of the bed and opened it, flipping papers around and scanning the contents of them.

“I’m not speaking to Levi, am I?” she asked after a small silence.

“No, you’re not.” He sat back.

“Who may I be having the pleasure of speaking to, then?”

“Rivaille.”

Hanji nodded. “Rivaille, is there a way you can… patch me through to Levi?”

“Do I look like some sort of telephone operator? Besides, this isn’t exactly voluntary.” Rivaille gestured to himself.

“No, I understand! It’s just that some patient with Dissociative Identity Disorder sort of… learn to channel their alters in a sense?” she explained.

“I have a question about that. Exactly _how common_ is it for someone to ‘channel’ personalities?”

Hanji averted her eyes, seemingly not willing to answer the question.  She set Levi’s file down and noticed the piece of paper with Eren’s name and number on it. “Ooh, planning a hot date, are you? Wow, they write with a heavy hand.” She ran her hand over the paper, feeling the grooves in it from the writing.

Rivaille entertained Hanji’s change of subject. “He’s more of a beacon of sanity for us. But, if it turns out to be a more involved relationship, I won’t complain.” He shrugged indifferently.

“So, Eren’s a ‘he’, huh?” Hanji wiggled her eyebrows.

Rivaille leveled Hanji with a glare, deciding to change the subject back. “You never answered my question.”

“Ah, it’s not really all that common, but-“ she started, but was quickly cut off.

“That’s what I thought.”

Hanji made a strange strangled noise. “Anyway, I need Levi right now, not you. I know switching isn’t entirely voluntary, but in order for the two of you to get out of here any time soon, I need to speak to Levi.”

“I’m sure he’ll come back soon. Just give it time.”

She chuckled. “You make it sound like Levi’s a little kid that constantly runs away from home.”

“He _is_.” Rivaille insisted. “Think about a few things, Hanji. Levi was addicted to drugs, alcohol, he’s tried to _kill himself_.” He counted the offenses on his fingers. “Doesn’t a lot of that sound like someone who wants to run away?”

“How do you know about the drugs and alcohol?” Hanji inquired.

“Because I’ve seen the bottles, the syringes, the lines of coke. I’ve woken up completely _tripping balls_ too many times to be comfortable with. I also checked his sorry ass into rehab six months ago.”

“Right. Well,” Hanji flopped herself down into the chair near Rivaille’s bed. “I guess I’ll just wait for an hour or two like you said. I need a break anyway because _dear god_ , I’ve been up half the night doing case reports. Transplants, heart attacks, asthma attacks, there was even _one_ animal attack.” She shook her head. “Poor sap got mauled by a bear. He made it, though. His right leg and part of his hand, however… not so much. It’s nice to get a head case ever once in a while. Oh, um, no offense, Rivaille.”

Rivaille ignored her comment and raised an eyebrow in questioning. “How is it ‘nice’ dealing with psychos?”

“ _Well_ ,” Hanji crossed her legs and placed her hands on her perched knee in a dramatic sweep. “it offers a change, shakes thing up a bit. You’ve got the crazies that babble to themselves and eventually get put into full body restraints, the people who come in every other week claiming they have some sort of fatal illness, and the people who offer a new person to talk to every five minutes. The list goes on, really.”

She put a hand on her face and puffed out air, sending her bangs flying. “They never stay long, though, which sucks. The psychiatric ward is always quick to claim their patients. You probably won’t have me as a doctor by tomorrow, but I’ll try my damnedest to keep your case. You and Levi are interesting. It also might help Levi, seeing a familiar face. Suicidal people normally feel alone.”

“For someone who claims to be tired, you run your mouth a hell of a lot.” Rivaille pointed out. His eyes flicked over to the table and he remembered what he wanted to do before Hanji appeared.

“Where are my clothes? I need my phone.”

“Your clothes? They should be in here.” Hanji got up from the chair and started to look  around the room, finding a neatly folded stack of clothes in a bag near the foot of the bed. “Aha! Here they are!” She lifted the bag for Rivaille to see, and then pulled a mischievous grin. “So… are you more of a boxers guys or a briefs guy?”

“Right now? Nothing because these sheets aren’t even thick enough for me to wipe my ass with them and there’s a draft in here that will probably make me literally freeze my balls off. Now hand me the bag, you pervert.”

Rivaille raised his arm, but let it fall back to his side. His face evened out and his thought came to a screeching halt.

…Why was he there? Wait, it was a hospital. He…

Grey eyes widened.

A gun.

A boy with green eyes fighting with him over a life.

His life.

Levi’s life.

Oh. He didn’t die after all.

Was that a good thing?

There was a woman in front of him, holding out a bag to him. She looked concerned, saying something Levi couldn’t quite discern.

She was familiar.

Levi blinked one, twice.

The woman’s still talking, clearer now.

“Rivaille? Are you okay??”

“Who…?”

The woman stopped for a moment, and then spoke again.

“…Levi? Do you remember me?”

He remembered a girl, he hair put haphazardly into a ponytail, new glasses too big for her face, and a cheeky grin with a missing tooth.

“Hanji.”

Hanji smiled, looking relieved.

“Been a long time, huh?” Her smile faded. “You know why you’re here, yeah?”

“I…” Admitting to someone he hadn’t seen in fifteen years that he tried to commit suicide suddenly seemed very hard to do.

_What have you been doing with your life?_

_Oh, mostly trying to throw it away._

He forced the words out anyway. Step one is always to admit you have a problem.

Stupid rehab.

“I tried to kill myself.”

Hanji nodded. “It says you were admitted with a gunshot wound to your right shoulder. There are two witnesses that say you originally planned to shoot yourself in the head, but the gun was pushed, causing a less fatal wound. There is no nerve damage to your shoulder or arm, but I don’t recommend you using your right arm for a few more days. There will be minor aches and pains, which you’ll be given painkillers for regularly.

“Now, um…” Hanji ruffled the hair gathered in her ponytail. “About your… situation. The hospital wants to keep you for a couple more days for a psych evaluation, just to make sure you’re okay. I’ll try to keep tabs with you, but I can’t guarantee that I can.”

Her eyes flickered back and forth behind her glasses and then widened. “Oh! And!” She grabbed a piece of paper from a note pad beside Levi’s bed and shoved it into his hands. “A friend of yours wanted you to have his number on hand. You clothes are here in this bag if you want to grab your phone and save it.”

Hanji leaned closer and cupped her mouth. “Don’t worry, I haven’t snooped and found out what type of underwear you wear. You’re still pure.” She winked and Levi swatted her away.

“Nice to see you haven’t changed.” He muttered.

“Stop, you’ll make me blush, Levi.” Hanji turned her head and made an ‘oh you’ gesture with her hand.   
“Whelp, I’m pretty sure I need to go do rounds and junk now, so I’ll leave you be. If you need anything, there’s a button on the wall next to you. The hospital recommends using it for emergencies, but screwing with the orderlies is just as good. I’ll see you later!”

She grabbed a file from the table next to him and left, swinging the door shut behind her.

Levi looked at the paper in his hand, confused. Who the hell was this Eren Jaeger person? He wanted to just crumple the paper and toss it, but something kept him from doing that.

The same thing also urged him to grab his phone. He looked at the bag placed by his thigh and started to reach for it with his right hand, but instantly pulled back as surged through his arm. He tried again using his left hand, weakly grabbing the plastic and pulling it towards himself.

He shuffled around the clothes until he found the pants he wore that night, retrieving his phone.

Flipping the phone open, Levi began dialing numbers, not even looking at the paper and saving it as a new contact.

After her typed in the name and pressed ‘OK’, Levi sat back and silently wondered why he felt like he knew the name and number by heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Levi has DID. I bet no one saw that coming (I'm lying, everyone did because I'm a shitty author). I bet no one saw Hanji coming back, too. Ignore my lack of logic and shit, there's no such thing as twenty-three year old doctor interns. Also, yes, Rivaille is the name of Levi's other personality because I'm creative and imaginative as fuck.


	5. Push

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Really sorry that this is late, guys! I haven't been able to get on the internet lately, but lo and behold! Good news is that I've been working on the next chapter so maybe that might come out sooner.

After his mandatory forty-eight hours, Levi was promptly released from the hospital. He was sent on his way with an arm in a sling, a refillable prescription for antidepressants and a doctor’s note in hand and four new numbers in his cell phone’s contact list.

Though, really, he didn’t discover that he had Hanji’s house, cell, and work numbers until he received a text message from a ‘Terra Brown’ on his way to work three days after his release stating that he was ‘terrible at keeping in touch’.

Levi’s eye twitched in slight irritation, damning the woman and cursing her to have a boring, uneventful day filled with flu patients. As he did that, he changed the name the numbers were saved under to ‘Hanji’ and replied back to her, telling her to leave his shit alone before snapping his phone shut and shoving it into his back pocket.

As he walked, he traced every crack in the concrete he passed with his eyes, nearly walking by the diner where he worked. Levi jerked himself to a halt, backed up a couple of steps, and pushed the glass door to Granny Smith’s open.

The usual morning scents of coffee and bacon wafted in the air as Levi stepped inside. His stomach immediately gurgled as a reminder that he neglected to make himself breakfast.

From the cash register at the service counter, a freckled brunette man stood up from his slumped over position.

“Welcome to Granny Smith’s-“ He stopped mid-sentence, actually looking at who he was speaking to. “Levi! Where have you been for the past week? We were all starting to think that something happened to you.”

Levi couldn’t help but to wince at the small mention to the possibility of him dying. “I was in the hospital. I was involved in an… accident.” He quickly changed the subject. “Are you alright, Marco? You look dead on your feet.”

Marco waved his hand, dismissing Levi’s comment. “I stayed up a little too late last night studying for a test that I have later today. I’m fine, though.”

“What about you, Levi?” He asked, showing genuine concern. “Are you alright? Your accident didn’t do any permanent damage, right?”

The questions were simple and innocent, but held deeper meanings to Levi. “No, I’m fine.” He rummaged through his pockets, swearing internally as his fingers brushed a small plastic bottle in his jacket pocket and reminded himself to ask for toast so he could take his pills.

He finally found what he was looking for in his right front pocket, pulling a small piece of paper out to wave at Marco. “Is Erwin around? I need to give him my doctor’s note before I clock in.”

“Erwin’s in his office. “ Marco replied simply.

Levi nodded. “Oh, can you get a piece of toast and a cup of coffee for me?” He pulled some money from his wallet and put it on the counter, double checking to see if he had enough. “Put whatever’s left over in the tip jar.”

He passed the service counter as Marco put the money into its proper places, walking through the kitchen to a closed door marked ‘Office’

He knocked on the door, paused for a second to hear Erwin say ‘come in’ and opened the door.

Levi never really liked going into Erwin’s office, not because he didn’t like Erwin himself, though. No, Erwin Smith was a particularly easy man to get along with.

It was all of the pictures that adorned the walls that unsettled the small statured man. They varied in size and color, but were all of Erwin’s family through the generations.

Their faces, all happy and cheery as they posed for the camera… most of them hardly looked natural. The older the person, the more forced the smile seemed. Erwin had confided in Levi once that if he had his way, he’d remove the pictures himself. However, his mother prided in the family-owned diner’s family-friendly atmosphere in _every single space_ of it and would more than likely string her son up by his thumbs if he even did so much as tilted a single frame.

The unsettling atmosphere instantly surrounded Levi as he walked in. He kept his eyes focused on the man at the desk to avoid the portraits, thankful that there were no pictures on the desk itself.

“Good morning, Levi. I assume you’re doing better today?” Erwin looked up from the paper in front of him to acknowledge Levi.

“That depends. Are you talking about how my morning’s been or how my shoulder’s doing?” He laid the piece of paper onto Erwin’s desk. “Here’s my doctor’s note.”

The blonde looked at the note and then set it to the side. “So you _were_ at the hospital after all.”

Levi crossed his arms. “If you need physical proof that I actually got shot, I’m pretty sure there’s a scar developing on my shoulder.”

Erwin shook his head. “No, I believe you. Plus you already sent me a picture a week ago back when the wound was…” He cleared his throat. “More recent.”

“Would you believe me if I said that the picture was Hanji’s idea?”

“Your doctor.” Erwin raised an eyebrow in amusement.

“Doctor, childhood friend, general nutcase.” Levi shrugged.

The blonde man laughed. “Alright then. Anyway, it’s nice to see that your recovery went well.” He looked at the watch on his wrist. “If I remember correctly, your shift starts in a few minutes, so I’ll let you go so you can clock in and get to work.”

Levi’s stomach rumbled quietly, reminding him of the toast and coffee waiting for him and nodded to Erwin before leaving.

-@-

The morning progressed to the afternoon quickly, the occasional person grabbing breakfast in town traded up for the lunch rush. Agitated, hungry people that always, no matter how quickly they’re served, complain about the ‘slow service’, how they ‘need to get back to work in _x_ minutes’, blah blah.

 _If you’re in a hurry, there’s this thing called fast food- and I’m sorry,_ no, _we’re not McDonald’s, we don’t offer to-go meals, it’s called a diner for a reason. Now, shut up, eat your damn food, and get the hell out, I’m supposed to be on break right now._

Levi sat down at the table that he had just finished clearing and looked at the busy expanse of the diner in mild distaste. It was almost shocking how a week off of work had made him forget exactly how _terrible_ the lunch hour rush at Granny Smith’s could get.

As he watched the other waitress on duty, Sasha, dart to and fro, greeting, getting glasses, cleaning tables, and taking orders, Levi felt a small pang of sympathy for the woman.

Almost like she sensed his sympathy, Sasha turned around to look at him with desperate, pleading brown eyes that nearly made Levi choke on the water he was drinking from the intensity.

No.

Oh, hell no. Not his break time.

Sasha started walking towards him, drink tray in hand. It took all of Levi’s willpower to not hightail it to the men’s room in order to preserve the remaining twenty-five minutes of his break, instead settling for shaking his head continuously as she approached.

“No.” He instantly declined when Sasha finally stopped in front of him.

“But, Levi, _please_!” The poor girl looked ready to fall on her knees to beg.

“Half of the people you’re serving are just sitting around talking, they’ll leave soon.” Levi reassured her, regretting his piteous thoughts from earlier.

“Yes, but they still flag me down for drinks! And here’s more of a point: _they’re not gone.”_

 _“_ I’m on break, Sasha. No one bothers you when you’re on break.” Then again, Sasha’s breaks were important for everyone. If she didn’t get her breaks, she couldn’t eat, and if she couldn’t eat, she started stealing food off of customer’s plates.

That would start a vicious cycle of customers getting upset, complaining, getting free food, and then upsetting Erwin. The man wasn’t a cheapskate; he just couldn’t handle giving free food and likewise feeding Sasha.

“ _Please_ , Levi? The diner’s busy and I can’t handle the lunch crowd alone!” At that point in time, Sasha had actually dropped onto her knees.

Levi’s back straightened as he scooted his chair back, away from the brunette woman. He was pretty sure people were staring.

“Sasha, get up, groveling on the floor isn’t necessary.” Levi hissed down to Sasha.

“I’ll get up when you agree to _help me_.”

“You’re going to get us in trouble, idiot!”

“ _Help meeeee.”_  She whined.

He sighed, a sign of defeat. “Fine.” Levi twisted the lid on his water bottle and shoved it into one of his apron pockets as he stood up. “You owe me, though. Now get up, people are staring.”

Sasha quickly stood up as well, her ponytail bouncing upward as she did. “Don’t worry, Levi! The next time you need someone to cover you; I’ll do it for sure!” She looked over Levi’s head and made a small noise. “Two guys just sat down at booth nine, so I’ll let you handle them. Oh, and please take care of eleven, twelve, and four, okay? Thanks again, Levi!” With that, Sasha walked off to the other side of the room.

He picked up his drink tray from the table and started towards the two, putting his hand up at a man at booth eleven that was impatiently shaking his glass in the air.

“Welcome to Granny Smith’s, I’ll be with you in a moment.” Levi quickly greeted the two, not even sparing them so much as a glance before moving two booths down.

“Finally, I’ve been waiting forever for a refill!” The man complained, shoving his glass into Levi’s face.

There were a plethora of things that Levi wanted to say, particularly one comment about where he could shove the glass, but instead forced a tight, apologetic smile that felt more like a grimace.

“I’m sorry, sir. What did you want to drink?” He all but pried the small apology out of his mouth.

“A Coke. This time, leave the ice out like I _asked_.”

Levi snatched the glass and headed behind the counter to the soda fountain.

“I thought you were on break, Levi.” Marco commented as he handed a customer change.

“Sasha said she needed help with the lunch crowd.” He explained hastily, refilling the man’s drink and heading back to his booth. “Here you go, sir.”

Levi set the drink down and left for booth nine before any words could be exchanged.

“Sorry for the wait. My name is Levi and I’ll be serving you today. Would you like to start off with a drink?” He tucked his tray under his arm, fishing a receipt pad and a pen from the apron at his waist.

The man sitting to Levi’s left, one with unkempt brown hair, looked away from the blonde opposite of him and up to Levi, looking at him with strikingly familiar green eyes that made his shoulder ache.

“”I’ll have a Coke, please.”

“And I’ll have a Sprite.” The blonde spoke up, looking up to Levi as well.

As Levi scribbled down their drinks and the prices, the brunette spoke again. “So, Levi, have you been doing okay?”

Levi furrowed his eyebrows together, confused. Why was he talking to him like he knew him? “I’ve been good. Could be better if I could actually take my lunch break.” He jabbed his pen in Sasha’s general direction behind him. “My co-worker needed help, so after some groveling on her part, I gave it up for the time being to help her. I’ll be back with your drinks.”

He headed behind the counter once again, grabbing two glasses from beside the fountain and filling them with ice and soda.

Levi placed his tray on the counter, the drinks on the tray, and carefully lifted the tray up, sneaking glances at the vacated booths four and twelve and the dishes left behind.

He set their drinks down at their table, handing the blonde his Sprite, who received it with a polite ‘thank you’ and the brunette his Coke, who nodded in thanks.

“I’ll give you two some time so you can figure out what you want.” Levi stated. Before he could go over to booth twelve to clear the table, the brunette stopped him in his tracks.

“Hey, Levi. Is your shoulder doing alright?”

Time seemed to have slowed as flickers of memories came to surface in his mind.

That man was the one who kept him from killing himself.

Levi suddenly didn’t know whether to thank the guy or slap him and ask him where he got off thinking he could interfere in other people’s lives.

He turned his back to the man. “My shoulder’s fine.” He replied neutrally, walking to booth twelve and picking up the dishes and various trash, setting it on his tray.

“Eren, do you know that guy?” He heard the blonde ask. So _that_ was the Eren Jaeger that took residence in his contacts list. At least he had a face to put to the name.

“Yeah, Mikasa and I… uhm,” Eren faltered for a second. “met him on the street last Thursday after we left your house. He got into a fight or something and hurt his shoulder, so we drove him to the hospital.”

Levi knew that was a lie; a god-awful one at that, but the pressure in his chest lightened a little thinking about how Eren was trying to protect him.

Not that he really _needed_ protection, but the gesture was still nice.

His friend didn’t seem fully convinced of the story. “I didn’t know you were such a saint. What happened to his shoulder?”

Levi caught himself, straightening up and heading over to booth four.

“He-“ Eren cut himself off as Levi passed by, gray meeting green for a few brief seconds.

“It popped out of place, I think. He was in a lot of pain.”

He heard the blonde reply with an ‘oh wow’ and quickened his pace to the booth, which looked like the customers were kind enough to stack their plates, silverware, and glasses together with all of the leftover food put in a pile on the top plate.

Levi gathered the dishes up and walked back into the kitchen to hand them off to the dishwasher, narrowly escaping conversation with the main cook and Erwin’s aunt, Tempest, as he exited.

When he came back, Levi was relieved to find that the subject had changed to something else.

He grabbed the pad from his apron as he approached. “Ready to order yet?”

The two snapped their attention from their conversation to him.

“I’m kind of having a hard time deciding,” the blonde admitted before Eren could speak. “I’ve never been here before, so I don’t know what’s good. What do you recommend?”

“Not the apple pie.” Levi stated without thinking, receiving blank stares from both men.

“…Actually, no, the apple pie is okay, not exactly on my list of things to try, though. That comment was more of an inside joke with the employees here.” Levi shut his mouth, a vain attempt to keep from digging himself into a deeper hole.

“I prefer the chili. It has a good blend of herbs and spices, plus it is prepared fresh and from scratch.” He explained more coherently.

“I’ll have a bowl of chili, then.” He handed the menu to Levi, which made him absently think about setting the two booths back up.

Levi set the menu on the table and jotted down the blonde’s order, looking at Eren afterwards as a cue for him to speak.

“I’ll have a burger, well done. No mayo or mustard, though.” Eren placed his menu on top of his friend’s as Levi finished writing their orders.

“Alright, I’ll be back with your food in a little bit.” Levi grabbed the menus, turned, and walked to the register, ripping the order out of his pad and handing it off to Marco.

“I didn’t know you knew Eren and Armin.” Marco said as he clipped the order up in the window.

“I don’t.” Levi sat down at a stool parallel to the cash register, deciding to sit and wait for the order. “Not really.”

“What do you mean ‘not really’?” The cashier pressed.

Levi groaned, regretting yet another decision. “It’s complicated. I-“ He stopped mid-sentence. How could he explain how he met Eren to Marco without including mentions of his suicide attempt or his gun wound?

“I met him a week ago. He took me to the hospital after some jackass tried to mug me and popped my shoulder out of place in the fight. I managed to get away and bumped into Eren and some girl he was with.”

“That was probably Mikasa.” Marco informed him.

“Okay, fine. Mikasa. He set my shoulder straight and took me to the hospital just in case. I haven’t seen him since and didn’t even know his name until today. Happy?” Levi tapped his fingers on the counter, suddenly growing impatient. “Is their order done yet?”

Marco ambled over to the window. “How much longer on that order, Tempest?” he asked.

Over the sizzle of the grill, Levi could barely make out a feminine voice worn with age that, over the course of the three months that he had actually worked at Granny Smith’s, came to recognize as Tempest Everclear.

Nodding at what the woman had to say, Marco looked back to Levi. “It’ll be ready in a few more minutes.”

Satisfied with his answer, he changed the subject back. “I’m guessing that you know them too, then?” he asked.

“Yeah. I’ve known Eren since elementary school and Armin since middle school. They’re pretty nice guys to hang out with.”

Remembering that he still needed to set booths twelve and four back up, Levi got down from the stool with an undignified hop, rounded the service counter to get the silverware and menus, and walked back out into the dining area. As a last minute thought, he grabbed the menus that he took from Eren and Armin’s table in his stride.

He quickly set booth twelve up and noted that the man in booth eleven had finally cleared out, leaving his half-drank soda and the money to pay for his meal in his stead.

Levi passed by the booth, picking up the glass, money, and receipt, making a noise in his throat when he realized that the man didn’t leave a tip.

“Well, fuck you, too.” He muttered, sticking the money and receipt into his apron before stopping back at booth nine.

“Your food’s almost ready.”

Eren acknowledged the information with a simple ‘kay’. Levi took that as an opportunity to go to booth four to finish setting up.

“Um, Levi?”

He stopped and turned around when Armin called out to him, cocking his head to let him know that he was listening.

“When you’re done with what you’re doing, can I please get more Sprite?” The blonde’s polite tone nearly threw him off, being one of the first few people that day to actually _ask_ him and consider the fact that he was already in the middle of doing something like a civil human being.

“Sure. You had ice in that, right?” he replied.

“Yes, thank you.”

Levi turned back and returned to booth four to set it up. When he was finished, he took the chance to reassess the dining area. A lot of the tables that Sasha left to herself were emptied and cleaned. Only one table in the middle of the floor remained occupied with multiple women chatting and laughing amongst themselves. The otherwise emptiness of the diner was a sure sign that the lunch rush was over.

A _ding_ from across the room pulled Levi back and he shuffled across the floor, picking up Armin’s glass along the way.

He placed his tray on the counter and grabbed the glass from booth eleven off of it. “Put the food on my tray, alright?” Levi asked Marco as he passed him, going to the dishwasher once more. He heard Marco say something in affirmation continued his task.

When he came out of the kitchen, the food was there, ready to be served.

He grabbed Armin’s glass next, refilled it, placed it back on the tray, and picked the tray up, carrying it cautiously but surefootedly to the booth.

The chili and soda were set down first in front of the blonde and then the burger in front of Eren.

Levi tucked the cleared tray under his arm again, a movement that was natural to him at that point, and retrieved the receipt pad from his apron again. “Will that be all?”

“Yeah, I think we’re all set here.” Eren replied, surveying his order with a look that clearly stated that it was not entirely what he had expected.

“Alright.” Levi tore the receipt out and laid it on table. “Do you want a refill?” He asked Eren, nodding to his glass.

The brunette looked to the glass as well, but shook his head. “No, I’m good. Thank you, anyway.”

Contented in the fact that he was no longer needed and that no one else had come in and sat down, Levi looked around for Sasha, finding her hidden in the expanse of booth three. He weaved through the tables on the floor, laying a hand down flat on the table of booth three with an audible _smack_ that made Sasha stab at the empty air with her fork rather than into the slice of pie she was eating.

“You _paid_ for that before you started eating it, right?” He questioned.

“Of course I did!” Sasha squawked defensively, crumbs spewing from her mouth. The sight made Levi wrinkle his nose in mild disgust, though normally things like that didn’t bother him completely.

“I’m taking the rest of my break now. I’m sure you can handle a next to empty diner by yourself, can’t you?”

Sasha nodded, chewing slowly and swallowing before she spoke. “Okay! Oh, and thank you again for helping me, Levi!”

The man made a small ‘nn’ sound and walked away. He reached for his water bottle in his apron, the sound of loose change rattling reminding Levi that he still had booth eleven’s payment.

After giving Marco the money and receipt, making an off-hand comment about how there wasn’t a tip included, he sat down at the table he occupied earlier. The table was placed nearby booths eight and nine, so Eren and Armin’s conversation could be heard easily.

Levi didn’t know what it was about being a part of the waiting staff, but it seemed like the entirety of the waiting staff at Granny Smith’s, himself included, were nosy as hell.

 “How can you have lived here for eight years, but never have eaten at Granny Smith’s?” I’m pretty sure this place is at least twice as old as your grandpa.”

“I don’t know, I just haven’t? You have to remember, Eren: I live on the other side of town.” There was a pause. “This place isn’t _that_ much older than Grandpa. It was established in 1913 and I’m pretty sure he was born sometime in the 1930’s.”

“How the hell do you know when this place was established?!” Eren sounded incredulous.

There was another pause and a small ‘oh’ from Eren. Levi looked at the wall next to the right entrance. On the wall hung a large, handmade wooden plaque with big storybook font that read ‘Granny Smith’s’ burned into the glossy wood. Underneath the storybook font were smaller letters that seemed less ornate than what was above it that read ‘established 1913’.

“How have you lived here your whole life, but you don’t know minor details like that about a landmark of the town?” Armin asked in mock shock.

“You shut the fuck up, Armin, I don’t pay attention to what they have hung on the walls here. Besides, I haven’t been here since I was sixteen.”

The blonde sighed. “You’re full of excuses, Eren. Anyway, you got me out of my house for a full three hours, now can I go home and finish my report? It’s due _tonight_ and my professor won’t take ‘my best friend wouldn’t let me’ as a viable excuse.”

Eren made a noise. “You’ve hardly eaten!”

“Do you realize how much you sound like your mom right now, Eren?”

The brunette’s voice pulled low in warning. “Hey…”

Armin laughed, dismissing his friend’s tone. “You have to admit that saying that, you sounded like your mom.”

“Blame the fact that I’ve been _drowning in estrogen_ for the past five years.” Eren grumbled. “I’m lucky that I got enough money to get a separate apartment from Mikasa last year- hey, I thought I told you earlier that lunch was my treat!”

“I hardly ate my food, so I’ll pay for my half.” Armin explained.

Out of habit, Levi got up and got Armin a Styrofoam to-go box, walking over to the booth and handing it to him.

Thinking nothing of it, Armin took the box with gratitude and started carefully pouring the cooled chili into it.

“Were you listening to us the whole time?” Eren asked defensively, eyebrows furrowed.

“It’s hard not to when you’re the only other people nearby talking.” Levi countered.

The brunette opened his mouth to respond, but Armin quickly cut in. “Eren, relax. It’s not like he heard anything overly personal.”

“That doesn’t change the fact that he was _eavesdropping_ , Armin.”

Levi felt a surge of anger at the accusation. “Then maybe you should try talking a little quieter if you don’t want people listening to your conversations.”

Eren rose from his seat. “Maybe _you_ should try backing the hell off.”

Levi wanted to shut up, to recede into what he had been taught to do in his childhood with his mom and dad, but he couldn’t bring himself to. Instead, he sized the taller man up, locking eyes with him unabashedly. “Or what, brat?”

Armin made his way between the two in an instant and Levi heard Marco coming over to assist as well, saying “What’s going on here?”

“What is your problem?” Eren looked down at Levi with such intensity, glowering.

_My problem is that I want to shut up, but right now I don’t know how to._

“My problem is that _you_ can interfere in _my_ life, but you’re ready to persecute me when _I_ get involved in _yours_!”

The outburst drained Levi of his energy, his anger included. He felt like going to bed.

Wasn’t his medication supposed to stop that? He absently thought of the fact that maybe all of the drug abuse from his past rendered the pills useless.

Eren’s face softened immediately and Levi felt a hand on his shoulder. He wanted to shrug it off, but felt like he could barely move.

“Hey,” Eren voice had softened, as well. “Do you want to go outside, maybe talk about this?”

He didn’t want to.

Levi nodded anyway and looked behind him to Marco.

“I won’t report this to Erwin, but just because I won’t doesn’t mean that somebody in the kitchen staff that overheard won’t either. I’ll cover for you, but hurry back, okay?” Marco said.

“I’ve got ten minutes of my lunch break left. If I’m not back by then and Erwin asks about me, tell him that my shoulder was acting up so I went home to get some painkillers. If he asks about what happened here, just tell him that I was being an asshole.”

Together, Levi, Eren, and Armin all exited the diner.

Eren turned to look at Armin. “You can go home, Armin. Go study to your nerdy heart’s content.”

Armin made a face at his friend’s comment, but made no protest. He fished out his wallet with one hand and struggled to open it with one hand, but quickly gave up. He handed his to-go box to Eren, pulled out a ten dollar bill out of his wallet, and handed it to Levi.

He stared down at the money in his hands like it was a foreign object. “I-“

“Take it. With all that you’ve been balancing and dealing with today,” Levi didn’t miss the minute nudge of Armin’s head towards Eren. “You deserve it.”

The blonde looked to Eren with a sly smile. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Eren.” With that, he turned around and started walking down the street.

“I thought that he said he lived across town.” Levi half-stated, half-asked numbly.

“We took the bus here since I’m _still_ trying to get your blood out of my backseat and I don’t want to explain to Armin why it’s there in the first place.” Eren replied easily.

“Hydrogen peroxide and a scrub brush.”

The brunette looked at him inquiringly.

“Pour some hydrogen peroxide on the blood stains and let it bubble for a few minutes, and then scrub the blood and peroxide away. I can’t guarantee that it’ll get rid of all of the blood since the stain’s been sitting for a week, but it’ll make it a hell of a lot better.” Levi explained simply.

Eren let the topic drop and Levi didn’t object.

After a pregnant silence, Eren spoke. “I’m sorry for blowing up in there; I guess I kind of overreacted.”

Levi didn’t respond, so he continued.

“Are you… upset about, um, last week?” He sounded more confused than anything.

There were so many things that Levi wanted to ask- was there a real reason behind Eren defensiveness? Did Eren come to Granny Smith’s, knowing that he worked there?

Why did Eren save him that night?

So many questions and Levi didn’t want to ask any of them, so he stayed quiet.

“You said that you wanted to talk, Levi, so why aren’t you talking?” There was frustration in Eren’s voice.

No answer.

“Levi.”

 _Can_ I _go home now?_

He bit the inside of his cheek.

Eren growled, irritation boiling back into anger.

Instead of getting yelled at, Levi heard Eren take a breath, deep through his nose and then out through his mouth.

“You still have my number, right?”

Levi nodded.

“When you’re… if you want to talk, or if you need anything, call or text me, okay?”

Another nod.

Eren patted him on the shoulder, the gesture a little more harsh that intended; turned in the direction that Armin left in, and walked away.

 

 


	6. Break

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a year.  
> It's been an entire fricking year and I am so sorry, guys. I've been through a lot. Long story short, it's been a long as fuck year.  
> But, uhm, ye. I'm slowly going to be trying to update this, I'll say like once a month to be generous to myself, since I now work five days in a row (jobs are so lovey, wow. almost as good as emotional turmoil... okay no, i'm lying, jobs are better than emotional turmoil, ew). Sooo... I'll just. Drop this here.

After a few minutes, Levi went back inside, undoing the knot in his apron, and brushing past Marco as he went.

“Levi? Where are you going? Is everything okay?” Marco started after Levi, concerned, as he went into the kitchen.

“I’m going home, I don’t feel good.” He stated, wishing more than anything for Marco to just _go_.

Levi’s wish, however, was not granted, as Marco had followed him from the kitchen to the break room where the staff placed their belongings.

“Where did Eren go? He didn’t pay for his half of the food.”

Levi replaced his apron with his jacket, checking for his phone, wallet, and pills, not bothering to remove his nametag.

He grabbed the ten dollars that Armin gave him and pushed it into Marco’s chest as he passed him. “That covers his end and leaves a tip.”

Levi opened the door to Erwin’s office, not bothering to knock. “Call Bertholdt in and tell him I went home sick, I’m leaving for today.”

Before he could close the door, Erwin called him back. “Levi, wait! What’s going on, why are you leaving?”

“I’m not feeling good and my shoulder hurts too much for me to work with it.” He lied.

Erwin pursed his lips into a thin line, face showing skepticism. “Alright, you can go. But, Levi, you can’t keep doing this or it’ll cost you your job. Am I clear?”

“Yes, sir. Have a good evening.” Levi closed the door and exited through the back door in the utility room to avoid anyone else on duty that might have questions.

Trudging through the back alley, he pulled out his phone with Eren in mind. Levi flipped it open, the home screen alerting him to three new messages, all from Hanji. He decided to ignore them for the moment, pulling up an empty message box, which stopped Levi in his tracks because he didn’t know what to say.

After a minute of contemplation, he decided to go with a default:

_‘Hey, it’s Levi.’_

He stared at the screen, dissatisfied with how nonchalant the message seemed and added:

_‘Sorry for being such an asshole earlier.’_

The phone chirped aggressively at Levi after he pressed ‘send’, stating that the message failed to send and was sent to his outbox.

“Goddamn cell phone service.” He grumbled, continuing through the alley way.

After what seemed like forever, Levi reached a main street and tried sending the message again, this time, successfully.

He flipped his phone closed and put it in his jacket pocket, not expecting a reply back if how Eren had walked away from him earlier was anything to go by.

As he rounded a corner, Levi’s phone beeped loudly, shaking in his pocket. Levi flipped his phone open again, the small screen alerting him of a text from Eren.

_‘is that all you have to say or are we going to talk about what happened?’_

The second he finished reading, he contemplated not replying. With the way the conversation was heading, Levi was going to have to deal with something that he’d rather just bury.

That scared him a little.

_‘I can’t really explain, just…’_

He stopped walking and leaned against a building, thinking out the rest of his message.

_‘Can we not talk about this? I know you want some sort of answer, but I can’t give you one. Not right now, at least.’_

The reply was instantaneous.

_‘okay’_

Levi breathed a sigh of relief, thinking that maybe there was a higher being somewhere. He continued walking, his sights set on a street that would lead to a more rural part of town, replying to Eren as he went.

_‘Thanks. By the way, you walked out without paying for your food.’_

The last part was added fleetingly, his nametag being the sole catalyst of it.

He kept his phone in hand as he walked, turning onto a road that produced less businesses and more actual houses.

By the time Eren replied, Levi was almost home, the route from the back door entrance of Granny Smith’s to his house being a relatively short one, despite the winding alley way.

_‘sorry about that. not trying to blame you but when we were outside so we could talk and the only thing you said being about how to get rid of bloodstains i just needed to get away before i blew up.’_

Reaching the front door, Levi pulled his keys from his pocket and unlocked the door, typing as he walked in and shut the door to the slowly darkening house.

_‘It’s fine. I took care of it for you.’_

Passing by the kitchen, Levi haphazardly slid his phone and keys half-way across the island that separated his kitchen, living room, and dining room from each other.

With as much financial trouble as the man had gone through, Levi had managed to come across his studio apartment two years or so previously for a meager $600 a month from a kindly old man, already furnished to boot. Since the place already had furniture, Levi hadn’t felt the need or even the desire to add any personal touches to the flat, walls barren and void of even the slightest clue that someone actually lived there aside from a few dirty dishes in the sink, some cleaned dishes sitting next to the sink, and the two room dividers that loosely surrounded the bed in one corner of the house in order to make some sort of false pretense of privacy.

Levi pushed one of the dividers back and walked over to the bed. He fell onto it unceremoniously, thinking about going to sleep.

Despite his tiredness, he sat back up, flicked on the lamp next to his bed, and emptied the contents of his jacket pockets onto the mattress.

Levi picked up the small bottle of pills, scanning the label for some sign of where he went wrong, why his medication suddenly stopped working, why he got so angry and so tired.

**‘Take two tablets at nighttime when necessary’**

He chucked the bottle at the divider that stood ten feet from the foot of the bed in frustration.

In his bleary struggle to get ready for work that morning, he grabbed the pills for his insomnia.

From across the flat, his phone buzzed and beeped, another message from Eren waiting for him.

The trek from his bed to the kitchen seemed like a long and difficult one, even more so the one from his bed to the bathroom near the front of the house to get his antidepressants.

Levi sloughed off his jacket and threw his nametag onto his nightstand, planting his feet begrudgingly on the carpeted floor as he did so.

It took a moment for the man to actually encourage himself, but he forced himself up with a low, muttered curse, stepping out of his shoes as he trudged past the boundaries of the dividers.

He grabbed his phone off of the polished granite, flipping it open as he glowered at the opened door of the bathroom.

_‘you didnt have to do that im sure marco would have told me tomorrow anyway. i can pay you back if you want’_

The offer was incredibly tempting; any amount of money that came through the household was very much needed and helpful, seeing as Levi missed payment deadlines left and right, his rent included. The only thing that made him grateful that he was how he was being the disability check that came every month, but that and his waiter’s paycheck plus daily tips from Granny Smith’s between the water, electric, cell phone, rent, groceries, and his hospital bills, could barely cover everything. However, it was his pride that kept him from accepting.

_‘You don’t need to.’_

Foregoing the light in the bathroom, Levi opened the medicine cabinet, took out a small bottle that had his name printed clearly on the side label, and started fumbling with the child-proof lid.

The cap clicked in protest as Levi twisted it, making him curse at it vehemently. Finally, after a couple more clicks, he applied the right amount of pressure and unscrewed the top.

He shook the bottle into his palm a little too forcefully, the small tablets overflowing from his palm onto the yellowing linoleum below his feet.

“Damn everything.” Levi squinted into the darkness of the cramped bathroom, his left hand feeling along the wall for the light switch. He found the switch and flicked it on.

…

His eyebrows furrowed as his eyes adjusted, spotting the pills on the floor, and made a noise of disgust. Was Levi trying to overdose on his pills now?

 _How would an overdose of antidepressants even work?_ Rivaille dismissed the thought and bent down with the bottle in hand to gather the pills.

He was fairly sure that they were okay since he had scrubbed the floor…

He didn’t know what day it was.

Suddenly, the comfort of clean floors seemed distant, but Rivaille fought past it, settling for brushing the pills off before putting them back inside the bottle.

A buzzing overhead made him jerk his head up, nearly smacking it into the counter in the process.

Rivaille set the bottle down on the floor, eyes still scanning across it as his hand blindly groped around the countertop for the phone.

The phone fell off the counter with a clatter and Rivaille flinched, grabbing the phone up and examining it. There was absolutely _no_ money to spare for luxuries like new phones and most of the ways that came to mind as he clicked buttons and checked the battery were not exactly legal.

There was a great sigh of relief as the phone flickered to life, alerting Rivaille to the new message once again.

_‘okay then… you sure though? i have no problems repaying you’_

_So he’s actually talking to Eren,_ he thought, slightly amused as he looked at the sender of the message. _What were they even talking about, though?_

Curiosity got the best of him as he clicked back into the main screen for the texts and selected the conversation with Eren, looking through all of the sent and received messages, which didn’t give him much insight on what the two were talking about.

Rivaille backed out of the text feature on the phone, opting for checking the date before returning to the messages.

There was a part of him that wanted to carry on the conversation, having become so accustomed to pretending to be Levi, almost living his life for him. There were so many people that only knew of Levi, but not Rivaille. There were also people that only knew of Rivaille, but they didn’t matter- they only knew him by name, not by who he was.

He had no occupation of his own, no legal documentation (other than some medical papers, maybe) of his existence, no legitimate life to lead; he was borderline ephemeral. It was depressing at times, especially since he practically _knew_ from the start.

Even if he wholeheartedly wanted to seek a life of his own, it’d be short-lived- Levi probably wouldn’t be able to take it.

Rivaille picked up the pill bottle and screwed the cap on, setting it on the sink top before shutting the light off and exiting the bathroom, falling into routine once again as he replied to Eren.

_‘Keep your money. Cant I be at least halfway decent?’_

The message seemed awkward, but he sent it despite his thoughts.

Walking into the living room area, Rivaille turned on a lamp, further illuminating the apartment, starting his usual check.

There are only a few dishes in the sink, a shirt or two in some other place than the laundry basket, no food left out to rot and mold; those were good signs. That meant Levi was learning how to be sanitary again. It was amazing to Rivaille how a person on drugs could care less about anything.

He checked the time on the phone and set it down on the island, ready to start a little pickup. He would’ve wanted to do a more thorough job, but something seemed to weigh him down. Levi probably took his sleeping pills, wanting to go to bed early, he figured.

As Rivaille started picking up the miscellaneous articles scattered around, the phone buzzed and beeped, a gesture that he ignored until after he had run the dish water.

_‘if you say so, alright’_

Thoughtlessly hitting the reply command, he stopped.

The conversation was over, right? He didn’t have any reason to keep talking to the kid, especially since he was lost on exactly why Levi and Eren were talking in the first place.

He didn’t have to, he chose to. This meant he could choose _not_ to.

Rivaille flipped the phone shut, turning back to the soaking dishes in the sink. Once the dishes were washed, dried, and placed inside the cabinets, he started looking in the usual places. Drawers, under the mattress, under the bed, inside the couch. He momentarily contemplated moving the furniture around to check for holes in the walls, as well.

It had been six, almost seven months since the last time he had checked the house for any drugs.

Better safe than sorry.

During the check, the phone buzzed a few times and even rang once.

_Levi’s not here right now, so quit already, kid. Persistent little shit._

It actually felt good to Rivaille to act as himself for once.

After he pushed the nightstand back against the wall, he rolled his shoulders, giving a noise of pain as his joints popped. Levi was _far_ too stressed for someone his age to be. He was what, twenty-four? Sure, he had been through several rings of hell in his childhood- some of them being ones that Rivaille was personally responsible for creating, but for the love of God, the man let it affect him way too much.

He went to the chest of drawers and pulled out a clean shirt to switch out with the one Levi had been wearing, but paused to think once he stripped himself of the shirt. When was the last time Levi had bathed? Also, if he planned on going out, shouldn’t he at least clean up?

With that in mind, Rivaille also grabbed a pair of pants and underwear to change into as well and headed to the bathroom to shower.


End file.
